Posted by Stonehouse Team on May 8, 2013 in Current News
Looking to update your Facebook status for Valentines Day? The 4th of July? Want to impress your Facebook friends for Easter or Halloween? Need to write an inspirational status for Veteran’s Day or 9/11? Then be sure to bookmark this page, as we are HUGE Facebook fans and have mined the net for the funniest and most outrageous quotes to liven up your status. We also included inspirational quotes & sayings. Year round!
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Facebook status quotes for New Years:
Happy New Years!
New Year’s is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls and humbug resolutions. ~ Mark Twain
The proper behavior all through the holiday season is to be drunk. This drunkenness culminates on New Year’s Eve, when you get so drunk you kiss the person you’re married to. ~ P. J. O’Rourke
A New Year’s resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other. ~ Anonymous
May all your troubles last as long as your New Year’s resolutions! ~ Joey Adams
Facebook status quotes for the birthday of Martin Luther King, Jr:
Dr. Martin Luther King’s message
A man who won’t die for something is not fit to live. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr
Almost always, the creative dedicated minority has made the world better. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr
Faith is taking the first step even when you don’t see the whole staircase. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr
At the center of non-violence stands the principle of love. ~ Martin Luther King, Jr
Facebook status quotes for Groundhog’s Day
Spring is in the air!
The groundhog is like most other prophets; it delivers its prediction and then disappears. ~ Bill Vaughn
Winter is nature’s way of saying, “Up yours.” ~ Robert Byrne
Spring is nature’s way of saying, “Let’s party!” ~ Robin Williams
Don’t knock the weather; nine-tenths of the people couldn’t start a conversation if it didn’t change once in a while. ~ Kin Hubbard
Facebook status quotes for Valentines Day:
My funny Valentine…
Today is Valentine’s Day – or, as men like to call it, Extortion Day! ~ Jay Leno
I don’t understand why Cupid was chosen to represent Valentine’s Day. When I think about romance, the last thing on my mind is a short, chubby toddler coming at me with a weapon.
~ Author Unknown
If love is the answer, could you rephrase the question? ~ Lily Tomlin
Forget love; I’d rather fall in chocolate. ~ Anonymous
Facebook status quotes for President’s Day/ Washington’s Birthday:
When the President does it, that means that it’s not illegal. ~ Richard Nixon
Washington, DC is 12 square miles bordered by reality.~ Andrew Johnson
Being president is like running a cemetery: you’ve got a lot of people under you and nobody’s listening. ~ Bill Clinton
History, in general, only informs us what bad government is. ~ Thomas Jefferson
Facebook status quotes for St. Patrick’s Day:
Green beer for St Pattys!
St. Patrick – one of the few saints whose feast day presents the opportunity to get determinedly whacked and make a fool of oneself all under the guise of acting Irish. ~ Charles M. Madigan
St. Patrick’s Day is a holy day for Roman Catholics in Ireland to pray and a day for drunk people to vomit with their pants down in New Jersey. ~ Margot Leitman
In Heaven there is no beer; that’s why we drink it here! ~ Irish proverb
Work is the curse of the drinking classes. ~ Oscar Wilde
Facebook status quotes for Spring Equinox:
A little Madness in the Spring Is wholesome even for the King. ~ Emily Dickinson
An optimist is the human personification of spring. ~ Susan J. Bissonette
Spring is when you feel like whistling even with a shoe full of slush. ~ Doug Larson
Spring makes its own statement, so loud and clear that the gardener seems to be only one of the instruments, not the composer. ~ Geoffrey B. Charlesworth
Facebook status quotes for April Fools Day:
Isn’t it appropriate that the month of the tax begins with April Fool’s Day and ends with cries of “May Day!! ~ Author Unknown
Even the gods love jokes. ~ Plato
The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected ~ Will Rogers
You can fool all the people some of the time, and some of the people all the time, but you cannot fool all the people all the time. ~ Abraham Lincoln
We’re fools whether we dance or not, so we might as well dance. ~ Japanese Proverb
Facebook status quotes for Easter:
I lied on my Weight Watchers list. I put down that I had 3 eggs… but they were Cadbury chocolate eggs. ~Caroline Rhea
Good Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Easter. Bad Idea: Finding Easter eggs on Xmas.
~ Jack Handy
Easter is the only time of the year when it’s perfectly safe to put all your eggs in one basket. ~ Author Unknown
Don’t you hate when people only go to church on Easter Sunday dressing like peacocks taking up all the good seats. ~ Author Unknown
Facebook status quotes for Friday the 13th:
It’s Friday the 13th. This simply means that most of my children will blame witchcraft for their regular stupidity. ~ Author Unknown
It’s Friday the 13th. Just warning you all before you make any weekend arrangements for wood cabins by the lake. ~ Author Unknown
Fear grows in darkness; if you think there’s a bogeyman around, turn on the light. ~Dorothy Thompson
“You’re doomed. You’re all doomed…” ~ quote from the movie “Friday the 13th”
Facebook status quotes for Earth Day:
Protect Mother Earth and her inhabitants
Oh Beautiful for smoggy skies, insecticided grain,
For strip-mined mountain’s majesty, above the asphalt plain.
America, America, Man sheds his waste on thee,
And hides the pines with billboard signs, From sea to oily sea.
~ George Carlin
There are no passengers on Spaceship Earth. We are all crew. ~ Marshall McLuhan
There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all. ~ Robert Orben
The use of solar energy has not been opened up because the oil industry does not own the sun. ~ Ralph Nader
Our environmental problems originate in the hubris of imagining ourselves as the central nervous system or the brain of nature. We’re not the brain, we are a cancer on nature. ~ Dave Foreman
Facebook status quotes for Cinco De Mayo:
Most people don’t know that back in 1912, Hellmann’s mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. The people of Mexico, who were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo. ~ Author Unknown
Facebook status quotes for Mother’s Day:
Love on your mama. It’s her day!
A suburban mother’s role is to deliver children obstetrically once, and by car forever after. ~ Peter De Vries
Any mother could perform the jobs of several air traffic controllers with ease. ~Lisa Alther
If evolution really works, how come mothers only have two hands? ~ Milton Berle
I know how to do anything – I’m a Mom. ~ Roseanne Barr
Facebook status quotes for Memorial Day:
Honor those we have lost
The legacy of heroes is the memory of a great name and the inheritance of a great example. ~ Benjamin Disraeli
Although no sculptured marble should rise to their memory, nor engraved stone bear record of their deeds, yet will their remembrance be as lasting as the land they honored. ~ Daniel Webster
Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.
~ headstone inscription in Ireland
Facebook status quotes for Father’s Day:
Oops! Happy Father’s Day!
Fatherhood is pretending the present you love most is soap-on-a-rope.~ Bill Cosby
If your dad is anything like mine, then you have no clue what to buy him for Father’s Day. The only Father’s Day tradition in my family is the annual conversation he and I have where I say, “Hey, Dad, what do you want for Father’s Day this year?” and he says, “Nothing.” Then I ask my mom what I should get him and she says, “He likes sandalwood soap, dangly jewelry and Chanel No 5 perfume.” ~ Michael Showalter
By the time a man realizes that maybe his father was right, he usually has a son who thinks he’s wrong. ~ Charles Wadsworth
Facebook status quotes for Graduation:
Good luck Grads!
I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.~ Mark Twain
Your families are extremely proud of you. You can’t imagine the sense of relief they are experiencing. This would be a most opportune time to ask for money. ~ Gary Bolding
You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own. And you know what you know. You are the guy who’ll decide where to go ~ Dr. Seuss
Graduation speeches were invented largely in the belief that students should never be released into the world until they have been properly sedated.~ Garry Trudeau
Facebook status quotes for 4th of July:
Happy Bday America – enjoy your 4th of July!
Everything that is really great and inspiring is created by the individual who can labor in freedom. ~ Albert Einstein
Those who won our independence believed liberty to be the secret of happiness and courage to be the secret of liberty. ~ Louis D. Brandeis
Life without liberty is like a body without spirit. ~ Kahlil Gibran
Freedom is nothing else but a chance to be better. ~ Albert Camus
Facebook status quotes for Labor Day:
Fire up the BBQ for Labor Day
Labor Day is a glorious holiday, because your child will be going back to school the next day. It would have been called Independence Day, but that name was already taken. ~Bill Dodds
I would rather have a big burden and a strong back, than a weak back and a caddy to carry life’s luggage. ~ Elbert Hubbard
Facebook status quotes for 911 Remembrance:
We will never forget
The attacks of September 11th were intended to break our spirit. Instead we have emerged stronger and more unified. We feel renewed devotion to the principles of political, economic, and religious freedom, the rule of law and respect for human life. We are more determined than ever to live our lives in freedom.” ~ Rudolph Giuliani
“Lets roll” ~ Todd Beamer, Flight 93, 09-11-2001
These acts shattered steel, but they cannot dent the steel of America’s resolve. ~ George W. Bush
Chaos had come to our doorstep. As a consequence, we would have to act differently, understand the world differently. ~ Barack Obama
Facebook status quotes for Columbus Day:
New World… and another day off work
Following the light of the sun, we left the Old World. ~ Christopher Columbus
America’s one of the finest countries anyone ever stole. ~ Bobcat Goldthwaite
The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes, but in having new eyes.
~ Marcel Proust
Facebook status quotes for Halloween:
Have a spooktacular Halloween
Halloween was confusing. All my life my parents said, “Never take candy from strangers.” And then they dressed me up and said, “Go beg for it.” I didn’t know what to do! I’d knock on people’s doors and go, “Trick or treat. No thank you.” ~ Rita Rudner
Nothing on Earth is so beautiful as the final haul on Halloween night. ~ Steve Almond
From ghoulies and ghosties and long leggety beasties and things that go bump in the night, Good Lord, deliver us! ~ Scottish proverb
There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world. ~ Jean Baudrillard.
Facebook status quotes Dia de los Muertos/ Day of the Dead:
God pours life into death and death into life without a drop being spilled. ~ Author Unknown
The day which we fear as our last is but the birthday of eternity. ~ Seneca
I knew a man who once said, “death smiles at us all; all a man can do is smile back.” ~ quote from the movie Gladiator
In the night of death, hope sees a star, and listening love can hear the rustle of a wing. ~ Robert Ingersoll
Facebook status quotes for Veteran’s Day:
As I approach the gates of heaven;
St. Peter I will tell;
One more soldier reporting sir;
I’ve served my time in hell.
~ Mark Anthony Gresswell
The story of America’s quest for freedom is inscribed on her history in the blood of her patriots. ~ Randy Vader
We must be prepared to make heroic sacrifices for the cause of peace that we make ungrudgingly for the cause of war. There is no task that is more important or closer to my heart. ~ Albert Einstein
Facebook status quotes for Thanksgiving:
Happy Turkey Day – enjoy your food coma
I celebrated Thanksgiving in an old-fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land. ~ Jon Stewart
Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics. Personally, I love Thanksgiving traditions: watching football, making pumpkin pie, and saying the magic phrase that sends your aunt storming out of the dining room to sit in her car. ~ Stephen Colbert
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often. ~ Johnny Carson
If the only prayer you said in your whole life was, “thank you,” that would suffice. ~ Meister Eckhart
Facebook status quotes for Black Friday:
On your mark, get set…
“As the purse is emptied, the heart is filled.” – Victor Hugo
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness simply didn’t know where to go shopping. ~ Bo Derek
Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase. ~ Erma Bombeck
Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice. ~ Dave Barry
Facebook status quotes for Chanukah:
Put on your yarmulke, here comes Hanukkah! So much funukah, to celebrate Hanukkah! Hanukkah is the festival of lights. Instead of one day of presents, we have eight crazy nights. ~ Adam Sandler/ The Hanukkah Song
Colorful candles burning bright, each lit on eight very special nights.
~ Author Unknown
Christmas brings enormous electric bills. Candles are used for Hanukkah. Not only are we spared enormous electric bills, but we get to feel good about not contributing to the energy crisis.
Facebook status quotes for Christmas:
NO texting at Christmas!
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. ~ George Carlin
Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log. ~ Ellen DeGeneres
What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day. ~ Phyllis Diller
A lovely thing about Christmas is that it’s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together. ~ Garrison Keillor